CHAPTER EIGHT

Back to the Start

Alice looked at each one of them.

"I suppose the reason why so many tea cups and plates are always on the table is because it's always six o'clock?" she asked.

"Yes, you're right," said the Hatter with a sigh. "It's always tea time, and we don't ever have enough time to wash all the cups and plates."

"And you have to keep moving to different parts of the table?" asked Alice.

"Exactly," said the Hatter. "We must move when things get used up"

"So what happens when you get back to the same place you started from?"

The March Hare interrupted because he was getting bored. "I'm getting tired of talking about tea time. Let's do something else. I suggest that the young lady tell us a nice story."

Even though it was quite rude, Alice was alarmed by the March Hare's remark. She didn't continue with her idea about the tea table but instead changed the subject and said simply, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid I don't know a good story."

"Then the Dormouse can tell us a story," cried the Hare and the Hatter. "Hey, wake up, Dormouse!" And they started to pinch him on both sides together.

The Dormouse quite slowly opened his eyes, yawned and replied, "I wasn't asleep. I heard every word you were saying."

"So then be quick and tell us a story," said the March Hare.

"Yes, you'd best be quick," added the Hatter, "or you'll fall asleep again before you finish."

"Once upon a time there were three sisters," the Dormouse began quickly. "Their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie, and they lived at the bottom of a well."

"What was it they lived on?" asked Alice. Being quite simple at times, she was always interested in what people ate or drank.

After thinking for a minute, the Dormouse said, "they lived on treacle."

"That's impossible," Alice remarked. "Treacle is a medicine. You eat treacle when you want to stop poison from harming you. If the sisters were eating treacle, they'd be sick all the time."

"They were," said the Dormouse, "very ill indeed."

"Why did they live at the bottom of a well?" Alice wanted to know.

The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it. Then he remarked, "It was a treacle well."

"There's no such thing as a treacle well," Alice cried angrily.

The Dormouse's feelings were hurt by Alice's remark. "If you can't be polite," he said, "you can finish the story yourself."

"No, do go on," Alice said, trying to make him feel better. "I promise I won't interrupt you again."

"In that case," said the Dormouse, for he was quite stubborn. However, he decided to continue. "And so these three sisters were learning to draw, you know."

"And what did they draw?" asked Alice, who had forgotten to keep her promise.

"Treacle," said the Dormouse.

"I need a clean cup," interrupted the Hatter. "Let's all move one place around the table."

The Hatter moved, followed by the Dormouse. Now the March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice moved into the seat of the March Hare. In all this moving over one place, the Hatter was the only one who actually benefited. Poor Alice was worse off as the March Hare had just spilled milk all over his plate.

Not wanting to upset the Dormouse again, Alice spoke very quietly. "Sorry, I don't understand. Where did the three sisters draw the treacle from?"

"You can draw water out of a water well," said the Hatter, "so I would think you could draw treacle out of a treacle well—eh, stupid?"

"But they were in the well," Alice said to the Dormouse. "One has to be out of a well to draw anything from it."

"I said before they were in the well," said the Dormouse, "They were learning to draw a whole manner of things—everything that begins with an M—such as mouse-traps, the moon, memory, and muchness. You know you say that things are 'much of a muchness'. Did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?"

"Well, now that you ask me," said Alice, who was very confused because of the word "draw", replied, "I don't think—"

"Then you shouldn't talk," said the Hatter.

Alice couldn't stand any more of their rude behavior, so she stood up angrily and walked away. She looked back once or twice. She was rather hoping the Hatter and the Hare would call after her and ask her to come back. However, the last time she looked back at them, she saw they were trying to make the Dormouse fit into the teapot.

"I'll never go back there again!" Alice said, walking through the wood. "That was certainly the most stupid tea party I've ever been to. I'm sure it'll be the most stupid tea party I'll ever go to in my life."

In the wood, she came upon a tree that had a front door. "That's very curious!" she said, "But everything's curious here. I may as well see what's inside."

Once again, just as in the beginning of her adventure, Alice was in the long hall and near the same little glass table. "I'll do better this time, now that I know what to do," she said to herself.

First, she took the golden key and unlocked the door that led into the garden. She ate a little piece of the mushroom she had kept in her pocket until she was about a foot high.

Being only a foot tall, she was able to walk down the little passage to the garden. Soon, delighted and amazed, Alice arrived among the bright flower beds and cool fountains of the beautiful garden.

There was a large rose tree at the entrance of the garden. The roses were white, but there were three gardeners busily painting the petals with red paint.

This was very strange to Alice and she decided to walk up and ask what they were doing. Just as she was ready to ask, she heard one of them say, "Look out, Five. Don't be covering me with paint like that."

"Sorry, but it wasn't my mistake," said Five, "Seven bumped against my elbow."

Hearing that Seven looked up and said, "Oh, that's right, Five! You never say it's your own mistake."

"You'd better watch out," said Five. "Yesterday I heard the Queen say you ought to lose your head."

"What for?" asked the one who had spoken first. His name was Two.

"That's none of your business, Two," said Seven.

"He has a right to know," said Five, "so I'll tell him. It was because I brought the cook flower bulbs instead of onion bulbs. How was I to know?"

Seven threw down his brush and said, "Well, that's not right to get angry with you for such a simple mistake!" Suddenly he spotted Alice in the garden. With a wave of his arm they bowed low to Alice.

"Could you please let me know," asked Alice, "why you are painting those white roses red?"

Five and Seven didn't say a word. They just looked at Two, who said in a low voice, "Why, the truth is, Miss, the Queen wanted a red rose tree, but we put in a white one. It's a terrible mistake and if the Queen finds out, she'll make the soldiers cut our heads off. So we are trying our best before she arrives to—"

Just then Five, who had been nervously looking around, called out, "The Queen! The Queen!"

Instantly, Five, Seven, and Two threw themselves flat on their faces upon the ground. There was a sound of footsteps in the distance. Alice wasn't nervous though because she was eagerly looking forward to seeing the Queen.

First, ten soldiers came. They were carrying clubs and they were the same shape as the gardeners—long and flat like a pack of cards, with their hands and feet at their corners.

Next came ten courtiers, or attendants in the royal court. These attendants were covered in diamond figures. They also walked two by two just like the soldiers. Meanwhile, the ten royal children were holding hands and dancing happily along after the attendants. The children were all covered with hearts.

Then came the guests of the royal family, and these were mostly Kings and Queens. They looked very fine indeed. In their company was the White Rabbit, who was running about and talking nervously. Still, he kept smiling at everything that anybody said. To Alice's surprise, he didn't even notice her but went running on by.

The Knave of Hearts was carrying the King's crown on a soft red cushion. He proudly marched along behind the Rabbit. Last but not least in this wonderful company were the King and Queen of Hearts.

Alice was wondering if she should fall down on her face like the three gardeners. Actually she could not remember hearing of such a rule, even before a royal family. "Besides," she thought, "What good is it to have a parade if people don't get to see it?" So she decided to stand still and wait.

When the royal party came up to Alice, they all stopped, looking at her very strongly. Alice could feel her heart beating quickly, and her legs started to shake. She was even having trouble breathing, and she felt dizzy. For a moment, she was afraid she would faint.

Suddenly the Queen turned to the Knave of Hearts, and pointing at Alice, cried loudly, "Who, pray tell, is she?"

Suddenly, everybody turned to look at Alice. She had never been so frightened in her whole life. She could hardly speak, even though she knew that the Queen of Hearts had asked her name and was waiting impatiently for her answer!

(end of section)